Hey hey,

Been 3 months since my last entry. Wish I could say I'm flourishing in my role as the Health Info Manager of my department, but I'm still learning/coping/struggling at times. Don't know if I'm cut out for a managerial role, might be too nice rather than cutthroat. Money's fine, but just whether the level of stress I'm putting myself through is worth it. When you get that question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?", I always thought "I wanna be happy". Don't know if this job is hindering that answer I gave when I was 18. We'll see how it goes, but I'll not put too much work stuff here. Heh security risk/I've had enough about thinking about work. Not gonna be a terribly philosophical entry, think my brain can't handle one now.

Anyway, with life the way it is, it's still pretty much work-centric, I work, I go to the gym(which doubles as a socialising activity), I go home. I've swapped my days around on my gymming, but it tends to lead to massive blocks of 6 hours in 3 days sometimes. I average 6-7 a week, trying not to burn out. Yeah, should have joined salsa, Patty says I move naturally well enough to do it. Besides, I visit them with Maz pretty much every week(yeah Saturday's are so dull now after Jam and Brunch, so I have to do something, lol)  and it looked alright. Supposedly it's house then street latin after this, so they sound like better options. Street is supposedly looser and adds a freestyle element to it, so that's probably more me. Amazing that I wanna learn dance so much, but I'm 23 already so it's not something I could look into as a future long term thing.

Anyhoo, a pretty annoying thing that I've learnt. The Swell Season(Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova) + the Frames will be performing at the Sydney Opera House for the Sydney Festival in late January. Really really wanna do that but lo and behold, I'll be out of the country. Dammmmmmmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt. Really would have been willing to go to that one and pay the money, but still, GRRRRR. Or as online forums love to say, RAGE!!!! I know a lot of people will think it's rather boring music, but to me it's more of a mellow, beautiful, simple kind of sound. And trust me, if you've seen Once and liked it, you'll understand. Rats-apoupolis.

Oh well, enjoying some of their music now. Gotta run. Bye and GSS(if it applies)

Andrew

P.S: Funny how I can see how many views some of my entries get, but have no idea who they come from. Anonymity on the internet, a surprisingly effective tool.

Lol, thoughtful title? I guess. I think way too much though I think. Anyway not really much to say but thought I should really blog. Funny though, I guess I'm just feeling the need to write a bit.

I've been battling an URTI(Upper Respiratory Tract Infection) for the last week or so, trying to get well really, but my ENT system(Mainly the nose and throat) is clogged up. Not a fun thing, but I'm doing better now. Oh by the way, if you want to know how you are obsessed with fitness classes, you go to the gym when you're running at only 65-70% body strength/fitness, have a running nose throughout class, and actually do Jam/Combat 2 hour double just because it's launch week, even though you've done the full launch routines twice before thanks to having the co-ordinators of each programs as your weekly instructors.(or in my case 2 out of 3 classes a week for Jam and 1 for Combat). Oh follow that by doing another double class the next day.

Anyway, randomly did something I haven't in months/years, had a look at other people's blogs. Most ended up being abandoned, with the odd one like Mandy's still running. Good to see she's doing BodyAttack too, I've not tried one of those though, even though supposedly it's the best in terms of a pure cardio workout/calorie burn.1000 or so calories burned per class. More than the average 300-400 per Jam or 600-800 per Combat, then again thanks to new gym friends like Richard and Mary and some others I don't know the names of but randomly chat to, we kinda hit the high range of the workout a lot. Rich is a freak though, combat instructor in training and contemplating Jam, but he does about 26(I'm not kidding, we counted after my usual Combat/Jam double on Tuesday at Market St) hours worth of classes per week. He's gonna absolutely injure himself before he actually begins instructing, which should be interesting. I talk with Mary about a lot of random crap(SYTYCD, upcoming movies, the releases of Jam/Combat, talk about how classes went) after Saturday Jam classes at Darlinghurst, she does slightly more classes than me(I do 6 hours a week, hers depends on her work shifts).

With people like them around me, I obviously try to push myself harder, thus why whenever they say "Higher level options" in combat or Jam(being more intense in Combat,like the jumping knee instead of just of the basic knee or taking the hardest option in Jam,like the martial-art-ish butterfly spin instead of just a spinning jump from the current release) . I hope I look alright doing them though not like a total retard. Then again, I think having these classes have let me let go a bit. I do them so I enjoy myself, then again I think Jam is sorta a way for me to turn back into my 4-year old Micheal Jackson Impersonator self. Unlike some stories where people follow through and become dancers or singers or that sorta thing, I instead went to the normal route. Oh well, fun is fun, so I shall continue to Jam/Combat. Wonder when I'll try an Attack though, it's next on my list. Pump has to happen eventually too, my scrawny arms need to bulk up. Combat's helping my non-existant abs though, think the gut is shrinking.

Whoa too much on gym again. Anyway, anyone else fitness first members with the Passport to go to any gym? Wanna join me for a class one day? I guess the Darlinghurst Jam class on Saturdays would be easiest. I'll swap topics then. Movies people, Cloverfield was pretty cool, even though it's not my usual sorta movie, the concept is genius(J.J Abrahms is smart you gotta give him that, though he "Lost" me on "Lost" after like the 1st season, heh pun) Odette Yustman+Lizzy Caplan are pretty good looking too, though the Cloverfield monster design was a tad bit weird for me. Then again, I'm no designer. Added to my DVD collection, thanks to JB Hi-Fi's current sale, Superbad. Funny movie but I guess you gotta be pretty open-minded for it. As of a lot of people, Dark Knight is sorta the movie that I'm hanging out to see, saw Iron Man the other day, really liked it but got a little bit distracted due to the sound dropping out for about 5 minutes during the Iron Man/Iron Monger fight scene. A lot of teenagers in the cinema were being annoying though, shouting out and stuff like that during that part. Me, I just strained to hear. I didn't mind that much, was just trying to take it in visually.

With the upcoming movies, not really bothered with Indy 4, Sex and the City(never understood the fascination in it, watched some eps but I guess it's still to much of a chick thing) or Speed Racer(got slammed by reviewers and general audience, looks ridiculous too). May watch Prince Caspian(I kinda liked the first movie), Get Smart(RIP Don Adams but I'll give Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway a try), Hancock(It's got Will Smith) and Incredible Hulk(If Avengers is being made+it's Edward Norton, you never know).

Okay wrote way too much. Nothing to reply to and still I can yammer on like that. Anyway Bye everyone(can't GSS because it's not night time, heh.)

Andrew

Hola mi hombres. I'm back on another entry, heh fast eh. Anyway, to be my polite self, I shall first reply on the sole comment from ol jook.

Yeah I sorta look to blogging as a double edged sword. Writing to release the creative juices or as an avenue to say something to the world may also lead to overdoing it. But hey, I wanted to write, and its been a while since I've had a hand at any sort of writing (creative, Roleplaying or just plain blogging) Not all of us are creative geniuses in terms of art and music like you my friend. And yeah look back at some of my entries and they are ridiculously depressing. Guess I'm just that sorta person, I'm a cross between an idealist and a realist. Which is a problem as those two don't match and being in the middle is worse than being solely in one stereotype. But my life always has sorta been in the middle in a lot of ways. Don't even ask me to list the different types of "in the middle" moments I've had, they're endless. Oh, and your oh so familiar final point, I know buddy, I know. But friends distract from that little issue, and I don't have that much around me lately. Well physically anyway, the internet is another matter. Oh another thing, you're not my only reader, so a lot of what i wrote, some people don't know. Now for them to actually come and read it, thats a different story.

Okay okay back to the actual topic. Jam and Music. They kinda interrelate because my passion for music crosses over into my fitness classes. So, since my last entry, I've done 3 hours of classes. Actually, I did 3 hours of classes in the last 2 days. An hour of Combat yesterday and 2 hours of Jam/Combat today. I personally don't know exact track listings but lets put a few that I do know in. Amazingly, someone requested we do YMCA for Combat, which quite frankly I found funny. You get the few people during the breaks between actual combat moves doing the YMCA during that part of the song. Weird. Anyway, Jam is where I find music I like. However, today we pretty much repeated last weeks blocks so Bollywood was there again. Lol. People, I can actually Bollywood Hip-Hop. Heh, well I try to put a more hip-hop feel in because we do it to Snap=The Power(Real old school here) along with a little bit of a Knight Rider theme slipped into the music. Odd choice I know, but it works. WE got hip-hop again today too, so dancing to Ciara's 1,2 Step was pretty cool. Quite a bit of jazz stuff thrown in among the rest of the choreography though.

I'm looking forward to Release 45 though, 44 was a bit too repetitive and too easy to pick up. I'm reading the blog of someone from NZ where the whole Les Mills series is made, and she manages to get early classes with Gandalf, who makes the Jam classes. 45 got the thumbs up from her(and it has Daft Punk, WOOOOHOOOOOO). Btw, if u think I'm nuts with 4 hours minimum really a week, this gal i'm reading about does roughly 10 classes a week + PT time + self exercise(running and swimming and stuff) Can you spell exerciseaholic? Amazing though, no one I know has that sort of self discipline for health.

Rightio, on to the music bit. Wow I miss my 90s music. Rediscovered Real Mccoy, Cardigans and good ol MJ. Though more his 80s stuff, man I love all his old stuff. Man I wish I could moonwalk. Should learn that.Daft Punks best stuff are also from the 90s, along with some brilliant songs like Verve Pipe's "Freshmen", old Goo Goo Dolls stuff (heh me and wanlian's obsession. Rzenick and gang Rock) even some Buble. Come on admit it, Buble's good.

I'll leave it here now. Will definitely give another update on the gym by next week. If I feel like writing beforehand, I might. Maybe a few good comments will help. Hint hint. Good night, Sleep Tight, Sweet Dreams.

Andrew

P/S: Anyone else got good 90's music to suggest. I love relistening to old stuff.

I said I was going to leave one year ago, and I did.

One year on, and things happen. Things change. I, myself have changed. It took me one really really long year to come back, but it's finally happened. My life has once again necessitated a blog to vent out, lash out, and break it down inch by tiny inch. Although I know that no one will probably read this, or even know it's still here, which I sometimes feels mirrors my own existence, it's time to come back.

Now, just to update people(or the non-people) on my life. I've not graduated, but am now waiting on the pending results to see if I finally will. I am currently working, into my 7th month at a hospital in clinical coding. My sister is now engaged, I still am single(as I really feel will end up becoming the continuous trend of my life, unless I do something about it). My social life is still as weak as ever, and quite possibly weaker now that uni is over. And my mental state, well semi-depression aside, I think I'll be fine soon. I have faith that I can reach that point in my life somehow, just give me time.

Now, question of the day, why are we human beings:
1. Suckers for self-torture
2. Sometimes quite possibly the worse things that could happen to each other
3. Sometimes quite possibly the best things that could happen to each other

I mean, take me for example, I've been known to constantly remind myself of the bad situations that I'm in, just, I don't know, to feel a little bit more satisfied with myself. To feel like it'll make me feel whole when in reality, it probably drags me down to the deep end once again. I know this and yet I've done it. Here's the bright side, I've minimised this. I've grown up in some ways. I'm taking my own advice, little by little.

One more thing, is it easier in life to be selfish? Without taking the altruistic, noble and possibly chivalrous route. I mean, to me it's not about being these roles, it's about being respectful of people aroudn you. Yet, as far as I can tell, even though it is me to trying to be as courteous as possible, even though I do feel a sense of doing the right thing, and a little piece of me feels satisfied to doing so, has society degraded to the point that doing these actions takes its toll on the person who does it? Is it common that the act of even wanting to help is no longer considered the norm. Funny thing is I know of the good that can come of people, I've seen it, but I've also seen the worst. I don't claim to know it all, but from what I do know, it's mind-boggling that such different personas can come from one species.

I think that maybe, I need to have a total one-on-one chat with someone who actually is completely happy with their life. Or at least majorly. Either that, or I need to get away, from work, from the people I know, from family. I mean as much as I do love the majority this life I have, maybe the best step is to take a break to clear my head away from it. (Yes, maybe I am ripping of television if you've watched Grey's Anatomy, but although it is fiction, there are some things you can take out of it)

So, I'll leave you with some excellent quotes. Believe me, the relevance of them to life, may surprise you. I wish everyone all the best people.

Andrew

"If you need a job to get a new life you even need a new job or a new life"- Dr Richard Webber(Grey's Anatomy)

"Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could change your life"- Dr Addison Montgomery(Grey's Anatomy)

"One must want nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not only bear what 
is necessary, but to love it."- Nietzsche

Hey everyone.

Hello??? Anyone????

Hmm guess not. Oh well time to ramble on now. We'll begin with normal things. I've got a myspace up and running now and it's just www.myspace.com/tcooi2k. Boring eh, just the same last part of the address to my xanga. Has some of my favourite song videos and random stuff there, even a slideshow of some pictures. Have a look and add me if you're a myspacer as well. Still, I'll be using the xanga site for my proper written stuff. Other than that I guess there's not much. Went out with friends for some days of the holidays, cleared the semester and watched a couple of movies. I won't do reviews and stuff but the movies I've watched are Click, Superman Returns, Pirates 2. The major ones that have come out lately I guess. Btw, if anyone likes Sarah Mclachlan-ish music, listen to Holly Brook. Most of you would know her as the girl who sings on Fort Minor's 'Where'd you go', but no one really has listened to her own stuff and I've heard one or two of them and they're quite good.

Okay, time for the next wall of text, and yeah it's back to the deep stuff. Today's key word will be belonging, or if you will, a sense of belonging. In any aspect of your life, family, friends, nights out, sitting in a class, meeting new people. Anything really. Ever felt that in every aspect, you feel very left out? Most of the time it's a fleeting thing where the feeling comes and goes, but when you're on your own and think back to the times where the feeling has come to the surface, doesn't it feel a little unnerving.

Maybe it's just me but sometimes I just don't feel like I belong anywhere I am. Going out with friends, I can just sit by myself and look around, couples pairing up, potential couples sticking together, besties practically joined at the hip, overly friendly males and females throwing themselves at others while I watch. That's all that happens. Sitting and watching. It's like living life as an observer, watching the world move while I'm standing still. People moving forward, moving backwards and me, well I'm stationary. Sitting at a table with good friends and yet having the niggling feeling that I don't feel like I should be there, that being there messes things up. Is it just the typical lack of self worth or maybe the lack in confidence in believing "I'm here and people want me to be here"? Maybe it's a little bit of both.

Where does this come from? Is it because I've been a social butterfly all my life, not having a fixed group of friends to be around? Or maybe that it's been a while since I've had that one best friend? The one person to rely on and spill your guts to. Could be since in essence, no one really knows who I am. I never divulge everything to anyone, not even the closest friends. Being secretive or being cautious? Which is it? Trust, like I've stated before, must be earned, but even some things can't be revealed.

Oh god, I better stop. It's bad enough that I feel all depressive, no need to burden the readers with more depressive stuff. I'm betting whoever survived reading it might be thinking the same old thing, "He needs a girlfriend". Well, maybe, maybe not. I doubt there'd be many takers out there but hey, maybe when I feel that I've grown up enough. Sad to say, if I had a girlfriend now she wouldn't really be very lucky. Personal opinion, I'm not independant enough. Mature, well that isn't really a gauge in being a good boyfriend.(Once again, personal opinion, I would appreciate some input on how much maturity factors in. Any attached females out there wanna approve or deny this?) Maybe in the not too distant future. But we won't get back into that. I'll just finish things off.

Alright, now once again I recommend music by Holly Brook(and if the genre isn't what you like, Fort Minor's 'Where'd you go' is still a good song). Movies, well watch and see, I'm not gonna try to sway people on movie opinions now. I'll leave it there and Good Night, Sleep Tight & Sweet Dreams everyone.

Andrew

R/T: To live properly, we need some sort of purpose, meaning or reason. It could be someone(significant other/kids) or some goal(successful at job, studies, self fulfillment). At the moment, look at yourself and think, what's your reason? Currently, it's something I'm trying to figure out. How do you find that reason?